2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Welp...herpes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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