the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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