Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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