can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
