She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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