I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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