new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
