When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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