I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
