I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
