I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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