Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
