dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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