Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
