so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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