i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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