You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
