At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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