Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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