as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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