i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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