1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
