Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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