dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
