I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
