dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
