redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
