we have pet lesbian snakes
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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