i already hear my dad disowning me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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