How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
