I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
