This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
