this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
3pm strippers are depressing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
