He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
