Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
