drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want nice things and good sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
