I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
