11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
