i barfeds in our rink
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
