I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
