I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.