just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying