so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
