Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

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  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
  Replies (37) Good night (3653) Bad night (704)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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  (828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v
  Replies (25) Good night (3515) Bad night (956)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning

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  (503): i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking (1-503): I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning http://tfl.nu/mjdo
  Replies (14) Good night (4783) Bad night (734)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome

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  (419): apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome http://tfl.nu/v148
  Replies (15) Good night (3915) Bad night (1665)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.

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  (360): Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why. http://tfl.nu/20py
  Replies (8) Good night (5634) Bad night (847)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

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  (701): First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to. http://tfl.nu/orps
  Replies (9) Good night (2951) Bad night (1467)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.

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  (516): Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko. http://tfl.nu/dtru
  Replies (10) Good night (2575) Bad night (1022)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.

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  (847): 2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take. http://tfl.nu/jq3u
  Replies (20) Good night (2725) Bad night (1423)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like

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  (617): My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like http://tfl.nu/dpsj
  Replies (4) Good night (689) Bad night (1820)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.

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  (630): Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face. http://tfl.nu/i080
  Replies (8) Good night (560) Bad night (1247)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes. 

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  (406): Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.  http://tfl.nu/b2xf
  Replies (2) Good night (1046) Bad night (530)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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  (605): but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair. http://tfl.nu/hd3s
  Replies (4) Good night (1422) Bad night (746)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"

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  (956): You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night" http://tfl.nu/lqee
  Replies (7) Good night (1097) Bad night (416)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode

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  (425): Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode http://tfl.nu/uu73
  Replies (5) Good night (407) Bad night (656)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW

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  (860): NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW http://tfl.nu/dzo6
  Replies (12) Good night (974) Bad night (292)

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