I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
