Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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