I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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