Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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