I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
