i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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