my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
