the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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