I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
