I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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