"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My first STD was from a foam party
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
