She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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