I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
