just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
