hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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