just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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