I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
