I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
