I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How naked do you want me to be?
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