Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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