I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.