idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need moral support for this bender
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.