I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
