My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.