I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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