Moan for me like Helen Keller
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
