allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
