I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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