We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...so i touched it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
