It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
