Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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