first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In America we eat man semen.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
