Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
