I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Are we still banned from the library?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
