your parents love me but you hate me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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