A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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