In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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