my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
