i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
