I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
