The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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