Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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