Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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