cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
