so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
