Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
