i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The adults are the big ones right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
