I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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