Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
