in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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