Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
